An open door...

Usually I am writing about serious topics, but sometimes we need a change of scenery...So, here's some scenery to picture:

A living room that was relatively clean. A living room that was no longer clean but destroyed. A spare room of Christmas decorations, toys and art supplies.... Specifically a large bag of colored feathers my mother-in-law bought me for crafting. A door my children should never enter alone. A door I accidentally left open when I went out yesterday in a hurry. Two children whose father assumed since they were playing quietly, they were playing in their own room. Two children who are more like tornadoes than human beings and a father who was playing video games. One very pregnant woman who loathes crawling around on the floor cleaning. One very pregnant mother who has been on top of keeping the house cleaned and recleaned and rerecleaned...

That's a beautiful picture I just painted for you, huh? That is what I came home to yesterday. I felt like someone was playing a mean trick on me when I saw the living room. But then my eyes rested upon some play dough toys which I knew for a fact were locked in the nursery....But were they? No, because I left the door open. So I look into the nursery and find a flock of colorful birds has been defeathered at my feet. No not really, just an 18 month old meeting the bag of feathers. Every marker was open, all the nativity pieces scattered abroad. And my good mood I had waltzed in with, it was gone. I could have taken a picture but it wouldn't have done the mess justice.

Was I mad at the kids? For once, no. Was I mad at my spouse? You bet. Was I mad at myself? Oh yeah! So what did I do? Allowed myself to be boggled by the chaos, to shake my head in disbelief. I fumed for 3 hours.

I ask you, is there meaning in all madness?

Minister

Last night I was laying in bed with my husband...This is noteworthy because we rarely go to bed at the same time. He, being a night owl, and me, being a tired pregnant woman who cherishes every 8 hour stretch of sleep I can get. Anyhow, Jeremiah wasn't in a particularly friendly mood because he had to get up early this morning and I think he'd just got his butt kicked in some ps3 gaming - so it wasn't one of those chatty, cuddly lay in bed times. It was a turn the light off and be quiet night. But hey, we were going to sleep at the same time so I didn't complain...Yeah right! My flesh wanted to grumble silently, but thankfully my spirit won that battle. So instead, I found myself praying for him.

See, my husband's job is not glamorous and it is not the best of pay. It is cold, hard work and I'm sure if he could go and do just about anything else he would. But for now, J chooses to be content in these circumstances. I'm proud to brag on him - he's got his eyes on the prize. It didn't happen over night, but he's come to realize that there is more to a job than a good pay and enjoyment; there is a ministry and a calling. While he views his responsibility to provide for us as highly important, we both have come to view God's love for others as more important. We could have kept searching and searching for an awesome pay job that J loved, which was my prayer for awhile. But God's heart got the best of us. I love when that happens. (And, when we starting having God's heart, he blessed us with a pay raise at a job that I claimed "would never give raises".)

Jeremiah works with people who are diamonds waiting to be discovered...Caterpillars waiting to be wrapped up and meta morphed...Seeds hiding in the cold of winter waiting for spring. I know all people fit this description in some sense, but believe me, some more than others. They are written off as delinquents and slackers and crazies, and those are the nicer of the terms. They weren't fathered by men of integrity or mothered by women of gentleness. J has this amazing gift to relate to people and see them as God does. Something that I long for more and more. He sees them as God does, and not as this world. And so he forges these relationships with people that other's just write off. Twice this week his co-workers have called to just chat or ask for help or pour out their heart. I have listened to him be a friend - I have listened to him minister.

It is humbling when we realize that the responsibilities that are most base to our positions in life, or our existence, are more than just responsibilities. I know this, and I've known this. But last night laying in bed it was a fresh revelation. For me, God reminded me that I'd forgotten my role as wife and mother and daughter and sister are my foremost ministries. It is easy to let our church ministries distract us from it...Or let the repetition of the acts of cooking dinner, changing diapers or disciplining our kiddos seem to be just what they are: acts. But they aren't - they are good works prepared in advance for us by our Father.

Today, let us be reminded that in all things God has a purpose for us, a chance for us to minister and advance His kindgom. In Jeremiah's case it may be chatting about movies with an older man who lost his son many years ago. In my case it may be the gentleness of my voice when I remind my children what is right and wrong. I hope God shows you what it is for you as well.

God's Way

What does it really mean to choose God's way over this world's or our own???
Originally I thought of titling this God's Way or the Hard Way...But that is false because sometimes (many times...most of the time!?) choosing God's way is way harder than choosing our own way.

I'll get right to the main thing that I have discovered when faced with the decision to choose my own way or God's way:

God's way is no guarantee of harder or easier - it is our guarantee that we become more like Jesus in God's timing rather than our own...And for the record our timing would take a heck of a lot longer. In essence, God's way is NOT about what is easier for us, or making life hard to teach us a lesson. It is about what is BEST. And not only about what is best for us, but for our spouses, and our children, for our extended family, for the Church as invidiual churches and as an international whole, for the lost and dying world we live in...And above all, God's way is about His glory, which is always first and foremost on His mind.

Now, I'd like to say His glory is always first and foremost on my mind, but then you'd know I was lying. I'd like to say that it is even the fourth or fifth thing I think of when I am vacillating a big decisions. But no, usually I remember after much deliberation and such.

I'd also like to say that I think this is one of the main reasons God inserted Romans 12:1-2 in the Scriptures. There are many things people say with good intention and many things we see as right or acceptable or "how its done" because of the culture we were raised in or by influence of this crazy world. Sometimes how we see things line up with God's word, but really, most of the time they probably don't (at first). That's why it is VITALLY important for us to become questioners and wonderers. For me, to question and wonder is by nature. Ask Jeremiah, I drive him nuts asking him a billion question. I want to know everything about everything. I want to know why we do things, why I do things. Satan would have us as cookie cutter-minded running around doing what everyone tells us. God calls us to "not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind". And the result is this: "Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I don't know about you but the fight, pain and diligence it takes to break us out of our old way of thinking is way worth the result of knowing what His will is for us. Some people are under the impression that His will is evasive and we can't really know what He has planned for us. Malarkey!!! These verses say we can and it also says it in 1 Cor. 2:9-10 (focus on verse 10).

Let me give you some examples from my own life. For Jeremiah and I choosing God's way has been saying no to birth control pills. (And note, this is God's way for us, and I don't want anyone to think I am pushing our ideals on others.) There are many things God did in our hearts before we even met that made us compatible on this decision. Popping a pill and timing your kids would have been ideal for me, someone who had a business degree and could make big bucks...Someone who loves to travel and do a jillion things at once. But, God's way for us was something different than we imagined. And I won't say that us having 3 kids back to back (starting with getting pregnant 2 weeks into our marriage) was all because of not taking a pill. Obviously we are a little looser with our prevention methods in other areas, and a little more carefree on the timing of our kids. But I also think that is a result of God showing us He has something different for us. This pregnancy was definitely a surprise and we did try not to get pregnant. Hey, God had different plans! Has it been easy to have 3 kids close together? No! After Scarlet was born you may recall that I temporarily lost my sanity. I'd describe it as something in me breaking. And from that crack, things began surfacing. Things that made me see myself in a new way (not a good way). But things that have caused me to change and change and change. Change as a spouse, a mother, a daughter, a friend...And these changes have made me become more like Christ.

On the same topic, I have friends who have been married for longer than Jeremiah and I. They don't prevent pregnancy, but they have yet to conceive. They long for children, but they also, and more so, long for God's plan for their lives. For a few of a people I know, this means no fertility testing or treatments. They wait on God. God's way for them is not easy. But I KNOW they are becoming more Christ like. I see it in them. Friends of mine waited 12 years to conceive. Their son is now Scarlet's age. They never saw a fertility specialist. They never doubted they would be parents. Other people told them to get over it, let it go. That never crossed their mind. To me, they are my modern day Abraham and Sarah (without all the sending your husband to sleep with the maidservant stuff!).

All this to say that even in specific areas of life, God's way looks different for people who look the same. While I cannot venture to say why God does what He does, I do know that I think it is about us as individuals, and our marriages and our families and again, the Church and this world. And all of us are in different areas of life, with different areas of ministry and influence. We ask Him for His will but we forget that it is not just about us. He takes everyone into consideration.

In closing, I leave you with John 15:9
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love."
God loved Jesus, yet He asked Him to leave heaven, live in our dirty world, hide his Glory for 30 years, and then submit himself to our hands in death. That is how Christ loves us. And what He calls us to do or be, no matter what it looks like, is about things so much bigger than ourselves. It's humbling.