Clara's Birth

I have been pondering in my heart how to convey in words all that I feel towards the birth of our 3rd child. I feel that no matter what I write here it will fall short of doing it justice - but oh well! That's just how awesome some things are.

I went into this pregnancy kicking and screaming. I wasn't ready to deal with all the things it made me face and my past discouragements concerning birth. Two c-sections under my belt and more than physical scars to accompany those surgeries. I wanted a vaginal birth more than I could explain and for reasons I didn't even understand myself (though in retrospect, I do understand better my innate need for something so wonderful).

Clara was born on February 14th, the best Valentine's present I've ever been gifted. (Nothing like having the Lover of my soul satisfying a deep desire of my heart on the day of love.) She was 6 days "past due" and those six days were hard. When I was pregnant with Scarlet I didn't go into labor by the appointed time my former OB gave me. So I was just waiting. Fortunately this time around I have an awesome OB, Dr. Joseph Tate, who wouldn't have done a c-section unless absolutely necessary...Still I was facing my fears. But my body was working and I knew that labor was coming - just the waiting for it that was killer. I was having contractions that were getting more intense over the course of 5 days before I actually went into labor...And this is where the real story begins!

On Sunday night Jeremiah went on a date and I was uncomfortable from the child inside! So, we decided to come home and DTD (do the deed) one last time for good measure since that is the best way to keep your body ready for labor. Well, this time it worked. With in half an hour I was having contractions 4-6 minutes apart (this was 10pm). With in 2 hours they were 2-3 minutes apart and more intense. But, I could still talk through them and they weren't that long. So, I tried to sleep, took a warm bath, drank a little wine - no rest though. And even though I was tired, my heart was EXCITED! I was in labor! This went on all night, I let Jeremiah rest because if you know J, you know he is much more helpful rested. I did wake up to tell him I was indeed in labor and that we'd be leaving for the hospital in time to beat rush hour traffic. He accepted this info and went back to sleep - I love my husband! :) (Testimony of how at peace we both were with the situation.) So, at 6am we left for downtown (Emory Hosp in Midtown). My whole family met us there which was a blessing because I didn't know they'd all be able to make it. We had to wait awhile for a triage room. Thankfully my awesome OB was there and he checked me. 8am: 5cm 80% eff, -1 station. Then we had to wait for a labor and delivery room -- which was great because in the meantime I didn't have to be hooked up to fetal monitoring so I paced around through contractions and J and I joked around and went over some Bible verses I'd been confessing...9:30ish Dr. Tate checked me again and I was 6 cm. Moved into the L&D room and things really picked up! My doula arrived just in time because she was invaluable in keeping me going. She told me transition was coming soon. Holy moly! Transition was like a time warp where breathing was my only focus. Jeremiah said it passed quickly for him, but not for me. I guess it was only an hour but man it seemed longer! Contractions straight with no breaks in between. J and Talitha (my doula) were trying to get me to change positions, but that was hard at that point. Anyhow, this is around the time I started feeling the uncontrollable need to push with each contraction, and also when I started to get some breaks between them. Since my OB is so awesome he didn't tell me "not to push" as most do. He said push as I felt the need. He also checked me and I was 8cm, fully effaced, baby was at a +1 (which is really close to crowning). So, I kept on pushing with my contractions. Really, I couldn't not push. This is around the time Jeremiah forced me to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Yes, I pushed on the toilet and I could literally feel Clara moving down. Once I got back on the bed my OB told me she was crowning and within 15 minutes I pushed her out. And it wasn't an orthodox pushing position, but more of a crouching on hands and knees fetal position. So, after she came out I flipped over on my back and they put her on my chest. I'm getting teary as I write.

For some people this may just be the norm for their births, but since I'd longed for this day for so long, it was almost surreal. I had just birthed a child into the world with out any help from modern medicine. One of the verses God impressed on my heart for this birth was from Psalm 139, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. In terms of the size of children J and I produce, I needed to believe this. Amazingly I never worried this whole pregnancy about the size of Clara. Anyhow, since she came out a whopping 9lbs 14 oz, I consider that another testimony of how wonderfully my body is made. I didn't tear when her head came out, but I did tear some when her shoulders came out. I don't really care though, because it was part of the "natural" process. Also, one thing I was slightly obsessed about this time was Clara being in the "right" position for birth (face down) b/c Irie was face up and it was hard back labor. So, this time Clara actually came down the birth canal facing to the side. Another thing that was cool is that my water never broke in an obvious way. Even my OB didn't know when it broke. And so many doctors just break your water in a rush...I know that it was there at 5cm and then at 8cm he didn't say anything. My fluid levels had been low though so I think there wasn't too much and it just came out gradually. Obviously God was just making a point to me. When He is granting the desires of the heart, He works out the details. I'm so glad I chose to believe God had something more for me than what so many people and doctors assumed for me.

That's the technical side of my story...Here are some other fun details about my natural labor.
I always (internally) made fun of the women in the movies who were screaming in labor. I thought it to be highly dramatic. I now call myself the "movie woman". I was screaming, moaning, grunting and other "primal" noises, as my sister so eloquently put it :) I was sweating, cramping, almost hyperventilating :) If I hadn't had Talitha and Jeremiah I couldn't have done it. I know I never asked specifically for an epidural, because that's not what I wanted. But there were points when I didn't think I could do it, or that my body could take anymore. Talitha said "you are doing it". I love that.

I always fall in love with my husband all over again after having a baby. But this time is on a whole new level. It was such a precious experience to go through together. Jeremiah said when she came out and then put her on my chest the wave of emotions he felt was overwhelming. He was amazing and I realize that to have a husband, let along a supportive one, is not to be taken lightly this day in age. He supports my dreams and desires and is my rock.

Talitha, my doula, was invaluable. She was so calm and collected. I feel that her presence and confidence in me made it possible for me to know I could do what I set out to do. When I look at pictures of her grace while I labored, I am reminded that this must be how God "looks" when we are travailing in life. We think we can't do it, but he is calm and says, "but you are".

Lastly, after laboring for around 15 hours, I was spent to say the least. But when Clara came in all her glory and I saw her, it was euphoria. I felt like I could conquer the world. I was on a high for hours. This is why I would do it all again in a heart beat. After having c-sections and being drugged up, unable to move, etc with Irie and Scarlet...Clara's birth made me feel alive in a way I never have. That is what I believe God intends for women to experience, but that modern medicine and our belief that we might need more than God to do something has stripped us of. I am in no way condemning epidurals or c-sections because I know they have their place. But I do think for a lot of us God would have more for us but our thinking has been tainted by this world and so we miss out...And that statement is not just about a birth experience but about so many things in life.

In the after math of this amazing experience Jeremiah and I feel like we are on top of the world. For us it is one of the hardest and best experiences of our lives! I see this desire in him resurface to dream and do things he's been meaning to do. I feel capable of rearing 3 kids at once. I've been keeping my kitchen clean and clothes washed. We both believe this change in our attitude is directly related to our birth experience with Clara. We felt empowered and encouraged by it - while in the past our birth experiences left us defeated/discouraged. I know that God had his reasons for allowing us to experience the hard times we did with Irie and Scarlet, and that what we learned from the trails was more important to His glory than what we would have learned if he'd given us what we wanted the first time, or even the second time. Since He's never failed me, I trust Him to give me what I need WHEN I need it. And I feel that what we experienced with Clara was what we needed for the now.

God is such a gracious God. I feel unworthy to have experienced His goodness in my life concerning this birth. He's already done the ultimate kindness to me by loving me and saving me, yet He still cares about the things I care about and still delights in my delight. I feel loved beyond measure and confident in my standing with God.