When God Moves - My Testimony of God's AWESOMENESS

If you have your ears turned towards God's mouth, your eyes turned towards His face...This will be true.

When God moves, you will not have to wonder...
When God moves, it will be clear as a bell.

I hear people say this: when God closes a door, He opens a window. (I hear it in a deep southern accent...I guess that's the Baptist in me.)

Let me ask you something? Where is that in the Bible?? Recently I gave key duty to my two year old and in the 12 inches between the inside and outside of the house she drops the keys (unbeknown to me) and I lock the door and close it. BAM, I'm locked out -- I know this immediately because I say "where are the keys"? Irie's classic answer, "huh"? Well, that was surely a door closed. And I had to find a window. It happened to be the one overlooking the kitchen table. It was not a comfy experience to climb up to the window and down onto the kitchen table in a space that small. I got some spider webs, a scratch and a busted screen.

Is that what God is like when He moves for His children? Not in my experience. If God closes a door it is for our good, and for 2 reasons....1. what we wanted wasn't best for us or 2. He has something better.

This is my new thoughts about doors and windows...When God wants to take you somewhere. He can build a wall out of nothing to make it look like all hope is lost, and then He can also cut a door into that wall miraculously and show you Who is Who. Think on Lazarus (thanks Monica!) - Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead before He went. He didn't want to heal Lazarus, He wanted to ressurect him!!

This is my personal testimony of God's goodness. If you've been reading my posts you know I've been having a time of it. Money is short, and I feel like my sanity is shorter.

Two weeks ago: I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3. Let me tell you, it was a shocker. It has rocked my mind and my world. I'm still in shock. My main thoughts (remember I promised you honesty) were that now we can't go to California for Christmas and now we'll have to put off going to Jamaica for another 2+ years. If you've read my posts then you know how much I love Jamaica. We'd decided that we'd go next summer, God willing. Well, that wasn't going to happen now.

Sunday morning: I'm having a hard time. The nasuea is all day and I'm tired as heck. This is my prayer as I'm gazing out the window..."God, I need something big to happen. I need a surprise. But a good one. One of those things that I could never have imagined even if I tried. I need it because I am so overwhelmed by life right now that I don't know what to do".

Sunday at noon: After church my church leader, comes up to me and says "we had a meeting yesterday and we really want to help your friend". Brief history here. My best friend in Jamaica, Keisha, is having a harder time of it. She had to buy a stove and fridge on credit to be able to take care of her son. But the bills are too much and he had to go live with his dad. She's got no money, and even now the power is off. I asked my church if they would consider paying off her debt so she can breathe a little and take care of her son. So, they decided to. I'm almost in tears as he tells me this. Then, out of no where he asks me if I would like them to FLY ME TO JAMAICA and give her the money in person. HELLO? WHAT?! Would I ever like someone to fly me to Jamaica! So there I am balling my eyes out because God just built a door in a wall I know for sure He created just to show His awesomeness. I'm getting my hearts desires and I feel like I just won the lottery. Except this means millions more than that. I get to see my loved ones there...And that place makes me feel alive in a way I need to make it through these next 9 months. Thanks God!

Today: I just booked my flight. I am going next Friday for 5 days. God already took care of the details because my mother in law just happened to be flying in for 2 weeks :) I am living in a state of ecstasy :)

Beauty is Fleeting...

When I am old in years, wise in the ways of this world, and physically decrepit...No one is going to remember or care whether or not I had a tiny belly bulge from carrying two children to term, or if my arms had acne, or if my eyes had dark circles, or if I wore make correctly. Either I will be loved for my love for life and the joy I bring to people, or I will be despised for my lingering existence because I am grumpy and ornery. If people do remember something of me, it will not be my physical beauty at age 26, but the way I loved people, and the things I did for God and the legacy I hope to leave my future relatives.

I have a Jamaican Mommy. She is one the most selfless people I know, most godly women and good wife/mother. She is old and hunched over, she has chin hairs. She is, to me, the most beautiful old woman I have ever seen. She cooked me breakfast every morning I stayed in her house and she verbally blessed me every time I went out.

There is a little girl down the street named Bella. She is seven and beautiful and so sweet. She loves singing and her mom tells me that she makes up songs all the time. (Reminds me of myself when I was little). She is also a big little girl. Not overweight, just baby fat that hasn't gone yet. Her mom was that way too. I think she is adorable. Her friends told me that she gets made fun of at school and they call her chubby. Not many will be her friend. Her friends even get made fun of for being her friend. She has so much to offer people and chances are that not many children her age will receive it until they are much older. All those kids see is a chubby kid who doesn't fit the stereotype they have learned to accept.

I have been pondering much on vanity, and I invite you do to the same.

The Bible says that beauty is fleeting. Yet, so many of us spend SO much time and money trying to make ourselves look younger and better...To make ourselves fit into some image that this world has convinced us is more worthwhile our time than perfecting our inner beauty. I have fallen victim to this trap, though I am trying my hardest to rid myself of vanity.

The Bible also says that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. It doesn't say that about a woman that is beautiful. If we live our lives focused more on the unseen that the seen then we will become beautiful in ways that will outlast the physical beauty we now possess. We can not stop the aging process. God says that outwardly we are wasting away every day. Yet, inwardly, we are being renewed...That is, if, we are allowing our minds to be renewed from the lies of this world.

This world is in desperate need of true beauty. Of something that is still there when the wrinkles appear and the streaks of gray start showing. A beauty that will not fade with our hair color or our girlish figures. Let us focus on our hearts and ask God to show us what is in them that makes us too focused on things that don't matter.

** I want to insert a disclaimer. I don't think there is anything wrong with dolling ourselves up. You're more likely to attract friends and ministry opportunities looking clean and well kept than otherwise. You're spouse will probably appreciate it as well. What I am suggesting is that we renew our minds to focus on the beauty that God values and spend more of our time pampering the part of us that we can change, that the parts that are out of our control. I suggest we work out to take care of our bodies so we are around more years, as opposed to working out to achieve our prepregnancy weight or to fit an image we saw in a magazine.

P.S. I made a vow years ago to never dye my hair again. In fact, I can't wait to have gray hair. I think it is beautiful.

The Black Pearl (Treasures of Darkness)

Treasure #2 ...

The Black Pearl...and no, this isn't a ship manned by Johnny Depp.

What is a pearl? It is a tiny grain of sand in an oyster that,when put under great pressure and given a long time, turns into a priceless beauty. 

What is a Black Pearl you may ask? ...Well, my Black Pearl is angry frustration... or frustrated anger. However you please. It is deeply rooted in my heart and newly found in this season. I believe the grain of sand that started it is genetic...hereditary...generational (whether physically or spiritually, or both...I'm not sure how all that works yet). And it took my whole life to surface. And it took a situation of great pressure to bring it out: having two children 16 months apart. The first child was the model child. The second, well God bless her, she took a little time to grow on me. We tell people that we have two children and they are night and day. What I fail to mention is that Irie was the day and then came Scarlet, the night :) I love her as a mother loves the fruit of her womb, but there were a few months when I was sure she was going to break the fine string of sanity in my heart. Every few days I glory in the fact that I have made it almost a year with two kids.

I used to consider myself an extremely relaxed person. I did until Scarlet was born. I don't know what happened but within a few weeks of her birth I started to see something really nasty surfacing in myself. I couldn't control it, it would come out of seeming nowhere. It would sweep over me and in the aftermath I was thinking what the heck is wrong with me. It was more than changing hormones and lack of sleep. It was anger pure and simple. Still, I have trouble controlling it. If I am going into a situation where I think I might have an issue I'll tell myself, "Self, you don't need to get all worked up about". But sometimes, it happens anyways and while my flesh is ranting and raving, my spirit is wondering what happened with that pep talk.

It has taken me awhile to even to begin to understand this side of me. (Because to rid myself of it I have to understand it.) Scarlet was endowed with the same stubborn streak that I have. From birth she has been strong willed. She cried out of anger many times even as an infant. It rocked my world. (Insert here that I can count on one hand the number of times Irie cried as a baby.) I tell you this about Scarlet because I believe being faced with an individual challenging my strong will, a child I can't control, tripped up my angry wire.

Anyhow, I call this a treasure because in essence it is a blessing that it has come to the surface. I say this because it was in me and I didn't know. But now I know and I can get rid of it. And getting rid of it stops that generational thing going on. And being aware helps me relate to others struggling, and it makes me more understanding and compassionate. It makes me more like Him. 

I also want to add here that if you have a Black Pearl then I think it is really important to find the root. As I mentioned I think mine began before I began. I have some relatives who are known for their anger and their relatives were known for their anger. Let's keep our oysters clean of those grains of sands.