Jamaica Day 3

Day 3...It was off to a rough start. Though I had a decent night's sleep, it wasn't looking good for Keisha and I to get her debts paid off. She was supposed to have work off but then was asked to come in because a cruise ship was docking. Extra money, you know? But when she called to ask her boss if she could come in late so we could go by the stores and pay stuff off he said no...And in quite clear terms that if she came in late, she could have the whole week off. A threat or what? So, she was upset but I just said "relax mon"...Kidding :) I know we have God's favor so I just waited around. When it looked like nothing would work, her boss called back and said she could get off early. So, she got off work and met me in Ocho Rios at 3:45...One store closed at 4 and the other 4:30. We made it just in the nic of time - praise the Lord! I also gave her money to pay off the past due water bill. So, she is virutally a debt free woman. That is incredible.
When I found out Keisha was going into work I decided to take my stuff up to Bamboo early in the morning so I could have the rest of the day free. It took me about 1 1/2 hours to get there. To say I enjoy staying up in Bamboo and spending time with Mommy Collins would be the understatement of the century. If you've never had the pleasure of meeting her, that is just one more thing you have to look forward to in heaven. She and I chatted for a bit, she fed me, and then I napped for 2 hours...SOOOO needed. (I sound like a kid!?) Then I headed off to Ocho Rios to meet Keisha with a rumbling and angry storm on my heels...Literally. I was walking the mile down the mountain with the thunder crashing around me and the rain close behind. I also got to see Shadah again in Ocho Rios. I got some souvenirs for the family. My favorite find was Dora flip flops for Irie for $3...The don't sell kids flips for cheap here and I'd been dying to get her some. (As you all must know, I HEART flip flops.) She has been wearing them since I gave them to her yesterday.
Anyways, after I left Ocho Rios, I headed back up to Bamboo and spent time with my friend Karen and her family. I stayed until dark, just enough time to see two kids have a head on collision, literally, with their heads. Lots of blood, and hopefully, stitches to follow. She and her sister walked me up to the house (about a mile in the dark with the light of a cellphone and lots of mud). Then they stayed and hung out for a while. I also got to see my good friend Shaneel, Mommy's granddaughter. In the past I have roomed with her.
I took a very cold and cold shower....
Going to cut this one short, due to some pregnancy related sickness from smelly poopy diapers...you figure that out. It was the end of the day anyways.

Jamaica Day 3

Good morning to all.
I finally got a good nights sleep. I don't know how, but I did and I'm not complaining. I even woke up early and went back to sleep for a bit. Praise the Lord.
I probably slept so well because I wore myself out yesterday. Yesterday (Day 3) I went to work with Keisha at Dolphin Cove. A really popular tourist attraction here. You can swim with dolphins, touch stingrays...etc. I didn't get to fulfill my life long dream of swimming with dolphins because I'm pregnant and dolphans can detect babies, as in they see like a sonogram. Crazy huh? Any how, I did get to have a dolphin jump out of the water and lay in front of me so I could touch her. She was beautiful and a full blooded Jamaican dolphin :) I held a stingray and snorkled. I kayaked and rode in a mini motor boat. I got some sun and payed and arm and a leg for some amazing all-you-can-eat Jamaican buffet, because I was famished. I participated in the entertainment and won a picture frame for saying "where are you going" in an almost perfect Jamaican dialect :) Then it started raining. I could see it coming down th coast from Ocho Rios. So I waited about an hour until it passed and left. God blessed me with a nice tour bus driver (air conditioning) who took me into Ochi. I shoped at the open markets and got my kids and mother-in-law their presents. I ate some beef patties because I was starving, again...The avoidables of pregnancy! Then I decided to walk to my friend Shadah's house to see if she was home because I don't think I'll have much time to go for visiting today. Then, when I could do no more, I walked to the taxi depot and came home. I showered and it felt SO good. Then I basically kept myself awake for 2 hours because it didn't seem right to go to bed at 6 o'clock. Keisha was beat too, from the long day at work. She works as a videographer for when people are swimming with the dolphins and such. A lot of walking up and down in the sun and rain. I am learning from the staff there that the staff isn't taked care of too well. No allotted breaks, and no where for the staff to buy inexpensive food or get some water. It's crazy.
Now I am up and at 'em with a nice bowl of fruit loops in my stomach. That's right. I ate the ant infested fruit loops! I set the out side for a bit and the ants left.
Today I am going with Keisha to pay off her debts, and the water bill. Then I am traveling up to Mommy Collins in Bamboo to stay my last night and spend time with my friends there. I don't know if I'll get to blog more before I leave...If not, I'll update tomorrow night when I am home. I miss my hubby and my kids. Strangely enough, I miss Jeremiah more. This is where I fell in love with him 4 years ago, not because he was here, but because he wasn't here with me and I missed him so much I realized life isn't as good when he's not with me. And, so I am reminded again of my need for my better half :)

Jamaica Day 2

Yesterday was great. I cooked myself breakfast, enjoying the goodness of God manifested by lack of pregnancy sickness! That's right, my first day here, I had no nasuea. It was a miracle and it was what I had been praying for. I can only hope the same for today, but as you might have seen on facebook, my morning snack of fruit loops was found vulnerable by tiny sugar ants. I won't be eating them anymore.
My whole day was spent with my 4 1/2 year old godson, Kevaughn. Isn't that ironic since I always say I don't know what to do with boys :) Keisha was going to have to pay to put him in daycare...I could hear Jeremiah in my mind "you're there to minister to her, not just have fun". And so, off I went in a country I'm not used to with a boy I'm not used to. We took 3 taxis...Exchange to Ocho Rios...Ocho Rios to St. Anns Bay...St. Anns Bay up the mtn. to Bamboo where Mommy Collins lives. Then we walked the extra mile to the top of the mountain to see Mommy. We also ran into my other friends in Bamboo on the way. How I miss that mile walk. I got to witness the annual occourance of white butterflies. They only hatch one week out of the year, and though I'm here at the end of the week, there were still houndreds upon hundreds to be seen in the farmers' fields. Kevaughn and I saw lots of animals, quite the excitement for a 4 year old. And so the mile walk took twice as long because we had to marvel at each cow, goat, sheep, horse and donkey we passed :)
The time spent with Mommy was sweet. She is still the most solid woman I know. She is nearly to her 90's I believe, and she has only one leg left now. She is a widow and she has know much suffering. But she still cries openly when she thinks on the goodness of God. She blesses my coming and going with words of the Lord and wisdom. I saw her other family members, and people I consider family.
Kevaughn got restless so we headed down the mountain back to Ocho Rios. We ate lunch at Mother's (akin to McD.). There was a massive rainstorm coming so we hightailed to my friend Shadah's house. She wasn't home so I waited with her family and watched some Lifetime shows. I watch more Lifetime in Jamaica then any where else combined. They love that channel here. Shadah came and we talked for awhile. Kevaughn kicked one of his flip flops in to a neighbors yard and we counted it lost after a vigorous search. So, Shadah and I went to the market to get new "slippers" and some produce for Keisha's house. When we got back we saw Kevy had found his slipper. Oy vey.
Met Keisha in the city to get some more groceries. Taxied to her house. Cooked, ate, attempted sleep. Sleep is not something that comes easily as of late in general...And appareantly especially not here. Oh well, God is good and He is my strength not a good night's rest.
Much love until tomorrow.

Jamaica Day 1

Well, I've been on the island for half a day. I have recquainted with my old friends, the mosquitos. Just to show me how much they missed me they sucked my blood all night long :) I was told that I shouldn't use bugspray while pregnant because it has Deet. But I'm fearing low blood supply may be worse than Deet poisening. Kidding. I sat next to a really sweet couple on the flight yesterday. They made time pass because I was all restless with excitement. The flight was delayed because all of AirTrans computer systems went down and we had to wait until they were up since we were an international flight. Good times! So, I finally land and I find my ride, Dillon. He is an awesome, God-fearing man. We talked about our lives and the goodness of God for over 2 hours on the trip into Ocho Rios. I arrived at Keisha's house tired and famished. The true signs of a traveling pregnant woman. So, we walked to the store (about 10 feet up the street) and I bought some groceries, which I will go cook straight after this. I went to bed early but probably didn't sleep until 1 ish. Did I mention that in Jamaica everyone stays up late. When I first layed down there were at least 5 different radio stations being blasted in all directions around the house...A few men singing along. And taxis honking their horns as they sped past. A sure sign that I was home. Although, I'm not used to sleeping with noise so it took me a bit to really sleep. I feel rested though, thanks God! And, I don't feel really nasueasous as I have. Praises all around. More writing tomorrow about my day today.
Blessings to all and peace on you.

When God Moves - My Testimony of God's AWESOMENESS

If you have your ears turned towards God's mouth, your eyes turned towards His face...This will be true.

When God moves, you will not have to wonder...
When God moves, it will be clear as a bell.

I hear people say this: when God closes a door, He opens a window. (I hear it in a deep southern accent...I guess that's the Baptist in me.)

Let me ask you something? Where is that in the Bible?? Recently I gave key duty to my two year old and in the 12 inches between the inside and outside of the house she drops the keys (unbeknown to me) and I lock the door and close it. BAM, I'm locked out -- I know this immediately because I say "where are the keys"? Irie's classic answer, "huh"? Well, that was surely a door closed. And I had to find a window. It happened to be the one overlooking the kitchen table. It was not a comfy experience to climb up to the window and down onto the kitchen table in a space that small. I got some spider webs, a scratch and a busted screen.

Is that what God is like when He moves for His children? Not in my experience. If God closes a door it is for our good, and for 2 reasons....1. what we wanted wasn't best for us or 2. He has something better.

This is my new thoughts about doors and windows...When God wants to take you somewhere. He can build a wall out of nothing to make it look like all hope is lost, and then He can also cut a door into that wall miraculously and show you Who is Who. Think on Lazarus (thanks Monica!) - Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead before He went. He didn't want to heal Lazarus, He wanted to ressurect him!!

This is my personal testimony of God's goodness. If you've been reading my posts you know I've been having a time of it. Money is short, and I feel like my sanity is shorter.

Two weeks ago: I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3. Let me tell you, it was a shocker. It has rocked my mind and my world. I'm still in shock. My main thoughts (remember I promised you honesty) were that now we can't go to California for Christmas and now we'll have to put off going to Jamaica for another 2+ years. If you've read my posts then you know how much I love Jamaica. We'd decided that we'd go next summer, God willing. Well, that wasn't going to happen now.

Sunday morning: I'm having a hard time. The nasuea is all day and I'm tired as heck. This is my prayer as I'm gazing out the window..."God, I need something big to happen. I need a surprise. But a good one. One of those things that I could never have imagined even if I tried. I need it because I am so overwhelmed by life right now that I don't know what to do".

Sunday at noon: After church my church leader, comes up to me and says "we had a meeting yesterday and we really want to help your friend". Brief history here. My best friend in Jamaica, Keisha, is having a harder time of it. She had to buy a stove and fridge on credit to be able to take care of her son. But the bills are too much and he had to go live with his dad. She's got no money, and even now the power is off. I asked my church if they would consider paying off her debt so she can breathe a little and take care of her son. So, they decided to. I'm almost in tears as he tells me this. Then, out of no where he asks me if I would like them to FLY ME TO JAMAICA and give her the money in person. HELLO? WHAT?! Would I ever like someone to fly me to Jamaica! So there I am balling my eyes out because God just built a door in a wall I know for sure He created just to show His awesomeness. I'm getting my hearts desires and I feel like I just won the lottery. Except this means millions more than that. I get to see my loved ones there...And that place makes me feel alive in a way I need to make it through these next 9 months. Thanks God!

Today: I just booked my flight. I am going next Friday for 5 days. God already took care of the details because my mother in law just happened to be flying in for 2 weeks :) I am living in a state of ecstasy :)

Beauty is Fleeting...

When I am old in years, wise in the ways of this world, and physically decrepit...No one is going to remember or care whether or not I had a tiny belly bulge from carrying two children to term, or if my arms had acne, or if my eyes had dark circles, or if I wore make correctly. Either I will be loved for my love for life and the joy I bring to people, or I will be despised for my lingering existence because I am grumpy and ornery. If people do remember something of me, it will not be my physical beauty at age 26, but the way I loved people, and the things I did for God and the legacy I hope to leave my future relatives.

I have a Jamaican Mommy. She is one the most selfless people I know, most godly women and good wife/mother. She is old and hunched over, she has chin hairs. She is, to me, the most beautiful old woman I have ever seen. She cooked me breakfast every morning I stayed in her house and she verbally blessed me every time I went out.

There is a little girl down the street named Bella. She is seven and beautiful and so sweet. She loves singing and her mom tells me that she makes up songs all the time. (Reminds me of myself when I was little). She is also a big little girl. Not overweight, just baby fat that hasn't gone yet. Her mom was that way too. I think she is adorable. Her friends told me that she gets made fun of at school and they call her chubby. Not many will be her friend. Her friends even get made fun of for being her friend. She has so much to offer people and chances are that not many children her age will receive it until they are much older. All those kids see is a chubby kid who doesn't fit the stereotype they have learned to accept.

I have been pondering much on vanity, and I invite you do to the same.

The Bible says that beauty is fleeting. Yet, so many of us spend SO much time and money trying to make ourselves look younger and better...To make ourselves fit into some image that this world has convinced us is more worthwhile our time than perfecting our inner beauty. I have fallen victim to this trap, though I am trying my hardest to rid myself of vanity.

The Bible also says that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. It doesn't say that about a woman that is beautiful. If we live our lives focused more on the unseen that the seen then we will become beautiful in ways that will outlast the physical beauty we now possess. We can not stop the aging process. God says that outwardly we are wasting away every day. Yet, inwardly, we are being renewed...That is, if, we are allowing our minds to be renewed from the lies of this world.

This world is in desperate need of true beauty. Of something that is still there when the wrinkles appear and the streaks of gray start showing. A beauty that will not fade with our hair color or our girlish figures. Let us focus on our hearts and ask God to show us what is in them that makes us too focused on things that don't matter.

** I want to insert a disclaimer. I don't think there is anything wrong with dolling ourselves up. You're more likely to attract friends and ministry opportunities looking clean and well kept than otherwise. You're spouse will probably appreciate it as well. What I am suggesting is that we renew our minds to focus on the beauty that God values and spend more of our time pampering the part of us that we can change, that the parts that are out of our control. I suggest we work out to take care of our bodies so we are around more years, as opposed to working out to achieve our prepregnancy weight or to fit an image we saw in a magazine.

P.S. I made a vow years ago to never dye my hair again. In fact, I can't wait to have gray hair. I think it is beautiful.

The Black Pearl (Treasures of Darkness)

Treasure #2 ...

The Black Pearl...and no, this isn't a ship manned by Johnny Depp.

What is a pearl? It is a tiny grain of sand in an oyster that,when put under great pressure and given a long time, turns into a priceless beauty. 

What is a Black Pearl you may ask? ...Well, my Black Pearl is angry frustration... or frustrated anger. However you please. It is deeply rooted in my heart and newly found in this season. I believe the grain of sand that started it is genetic...hereditary...generational (whether physically or spiritually, or both...I'm not sure how all that works yet). And it took my whole life to surface. And it took a situation of great pressure to bring it out: having two children 16 months apart. The first child was the model child. The second, well God bless her, she took a little time to grow on me. We tell people that we have two children and they are night and day. What I fail to mention is that Irie was the day and then came Scarlet, the night :) I love her as a mother loves the fruit of her womb, but there were a few months when I was sure she was going to break the fine string of sanity in my heart. Every few days I glory in the fact that I have made it almost a year with two kids.

I used to consider myself an extremely relaxed person. I did until Scarlet was born. I don't know what happened but within a few weeks of her birth I started to see something really nasty surfacing in myself. I couldn't control it, it would come out of seeming nowhere. It would sweep over me and in the aftermath I was thinking what the heck is wrong with me. It was more than changing hormones and lack of sleep. It was anger pure and simple. Still, I have trouble controlling it. If I am going into a situation where I think I might have an issue I'll tell myself, "Self, you don't need to get all worked up about". But sometimes, it happens anyways and while my flesh is ranting and raving, my spirit is wondering what happened with that pep talk.

It has taken me awhile to even to begin to understand this side of me. (Because to rid myself of it I have to understand it.) Scarlet was endowed with the same stubborn streak that I have. From birth she has been strong willed. She cried out of anger many times even as an infant. It rocked my world. (Insert here that I can count on one hand the number of times Irie cried as a baby.) I tell you this about Scarlet because I believe being faced with an individual challenging my strong will, a child I can't control, tripped up my angry wire.

Anyhow, I call this a treasure because in essence it is a blessing that it has come to the surface. I say this because it was in me and I didn't know. But now I know and I can get rid of it. And getting rid of it stops that generational thing going on. And being aware helps me relate to others struggling, and it makes me more understanding and compassionate. It makes me more like Him. 

I also want to add here that if you have a Black Pearl then I think it is really important to find the root. As I mentioned I think mine began before I began. I have some relatives who are known for their anger and their relatives were known for their anger. Let's keep our oysters clean of those grains of sands.